Alpha portraitAlpha's Rants

Why Why Wiccans Suck Sucks

       Did you ever have a page that you really, really, really, really wanted to love, but couldn't because it was just too wrong?

        Why Wiccans Suck is, frankly, awesome. It raises some great points that we all should keep aware of, but it fails at doing its primary job.  By being written by an Ex-Wiccan, it loses most of it's "oomph," because the person writing it has nothing invested in the community- his words don't matter much more than any other "ex."  Ex wives, ExChristians, and ExWiccans all have something in common-they've grown beyond what they were, and see what they were as bad.

#1. The title.
        The author of Why Wiccan Suck claims to use the title because "Wiccans flock to perceived persecution in droves," which is a fairly hard truth. While we were writing this page, a thwap-brigade member and friend posted a gentle reminder in someone's guestbook that harm none includes our copyright holders... he got a score of emails from young, shaking bunnies, calling him all sorts of names, and threatening him with curses.  Wiccans do flock to perceived persecution in droves, but it's a side effect of the fact that we also flock to real persecution in droves, which is a strength of our community.
To See excellent examples of misplaced Bunny Wiccan bile, Click the Mail section of Propaganda for the Paranoid.

#2.Section One:Immaturity.
        The author nails our common prey-the bunny-to a tee. (Preferably a large golf tee-about to be swung upon) However, he makes the mistake of broadbrushing almost every Wiccan as equally immature. His points 1-4, 7 and 9, for example, hardly apply to those of us born to Wiccan and Witch families, those who kept quiet about our religion, or were never Christian to begin with.  WFAC (Wiccan Flavored Anti-Christianity) is his complaint of choice here, and the gothic neowiccan teenie boppers the ones he has the real gripe with. And we agree that WFAC and GNTB suck!

#3.Section Two: Misconceptions.
        The author again misplaces his anger at a subset of "wiccans" and directs it at us all.  His first enemy here is the dread "revisionist bunny" and its offspring "the Celtic Wicca bunny" Not all Wiccans embrace historical revisionism.  In fact, some are dead against it.  Under "webrings" on this page, you will find the Pagans against bad history webring, and the Student's Guide to Wicca, located in "good information" includes refutations of the 20,000 year myth and the celtic myth.  A google search on "History of Wicca" brought up Ronald Hutton, author of a book of the rise of neopaganism. It is clear to this ranter, that the serious practioners of the faith don't promote these silly beliefs, but that a lot of people are taken in by the myths. Even Starhawk, refuting a moronic pseudoscientific piece by Charlotte Allen, knew the difference between metaphoric history and actual history-and if Starhawk can know the difference-there is hope for us all.
        Then the author brings up the spectre of "British Traditional Wicca" as the right and first type.  Well, in this author's opinion, having been initiated and working for 5 years within a Gardnerian trad with an airtight lineage, it's not. Some of the women of our movement didn't like being "beneath a man," and others thought it odd that old unkie Gerry thought that a bikini probably wouldn't trap energy, but that a cotton robe might.  Have you ever tried to be skyclad outdoors in the Orkneys in autumn???? until you have, lay off the idea that skyclad is right clad.
        But beyond that, there are genuine systems of Wicca and ingenuine ones.  A genuine one should be able to point out where and why they differ from others, there should be reasons, laws and ordains, but no single britwitch has the right or ability to tell who is doing it right-in part, because Gardner himself claimed that there were other groups out there. If he invented Wicca (my belief is that he did) than he and his followers have the right to claim divine sanction (or at least copyright) to the materials...but since he claims to have been doing one way of many, other groups have the right to lay claim to that "many."  The more honest groups descend and differ from Gardner,  but they are still valid.
        That being said, since GG gave up his sole claim to the word Wicca by saying so many others were doing it, saying who is, and isn't a witch is something we don't have the luxury of doing... BUT we can say who is and isn't a Gardnerian Witch, An ATC Witch, a COG witch.... get it?
        As for moronic Wiccans and the burning times- duh. The Real things know the truth, and are spreading the truth.  Bunnies breed, but they are actively hunted....
        And some of us are downright against cultural imperialism, so keep that brush in the paintbox, too.

#4. Section three: Personal Gripes
        The devil thing:well, duh, I know this, you know this, but what is it going to change?  I really think an author so adept with the broad brush should not be upset when he sees other people handling it. Some of us have fun pointing out that, according to their own scriptures, Christians who call other gods the devil are incorrect, and face it, if they couldn't begin their webpages with "we don't worship the devil" what would the bunnies say??????  Most Wiccans know that all pagans aren't Wiccan, and all witches aren't Wiccan, as the replies to such queries on religious hosts like demonstrate.
        And the herbalism thing.  Well, frankly, I think this can be best summed up in a quote from one Wiccan's page on herbalism:  "It should be noted that Herbalism is NOT a "Wiccan Thing," Herbalism is a science and study that many, many Wiccans do, but it is neither mandated by nor truely a part of the study of Wicca.* "  Clearly, that message isn't lost on them all, either.

#5. Section Four:Stagnation
        You begin this section, dearie, with an old rhetoriticians trick- If you disagree with me-you are one of them.  In my opinion, this is why your page really sucks.  You have noble and valued gripes with the Wiccan community, they don't need a sucker punch to work. I, for one, am a Wiccan who does not live in the Mercedes Lackey world of shields and wards.  Honey, you make a lot of good points, but some of us who disagree with you do it because we disagree with you-not out of denial.
        Let's continue to your good points, hun, okay? Some of us know the difference between a religion and magick, you say so yourself. You call such folk "mature." You know they exist, and yet you say they all suck?  Is that fair? (You don't have to be fair, but in order to have a fair criticism, you do.) So grow up, lose the silly sucker punch lines and admit who your real enemy is-the bunny.

PS:And yes, the law of return applies to us all-it's not a threat-it's physics-every action has an equal and opposite reaction, every magus knows that. Silly wabbit...
I suppose you can say I don't get it, and I have 93 reasons that say I do get it, and never the twain shall meet.

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